My Neighbor's Yard

Myneighborsyard

To the casual observer, Jacob Jr. was just a kid galumphing through puddles in his galoshes. But, I knew better. I had seen Jacob Jr. and his "family" snacking on the toxic blooms that had overtaken their fenced-in yard. Also, once a month, the elder Jacob took a baseball bat to a hapless chick, after ... Read more

Pandora's Pillbox

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Gerrie Shamba, Keeper of The Pandora Pillbox, shimmered into Siberia on June 29th, 1908. She removed the time-traveling hat from her head, reached into it and withdrew a handful of infected ticks. She sprinkled them onto the ground before returning the hat to her head. In twelve hours, an asteroid would explode over the region ... Read more

In the Immortal Words of Muriel Humphrey

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Ancestral burial rites foreshadowed the vanguard of human recycling. From the elaborate funerary practices of ancient Egyptians, to the Terracotta Army of the first Emperor of China, humans have decreed that destinies were not subject to disposability. Immortality appealed to humble and snobbish, alike. Fortunately, by 2217 A.D., transmigration had been elevated to the ranks ... Read more

Bandicoot Terror

Ccc 106 Bandicoot

Spoiled by the erstwhile sublime environment of the New Guinean rain forest from whence they were "harvested", the half-dozen bandicoots huddled miserably in a filthy cage. Their captor, himself a ratty-looking specimen of a human, arranged for the illicit transport of the marsupials to the Mercer Laboratory in Charlottesville, Virginia, USA. His part in this ... Read more

Xenia Gets Got

Tonight, Xenia intended to enchant her ugly-ass boyfriend, Harold. She only put up with his broomstick-thin, Jack-o-lantern gapped-tooth goofiness because his bank account balance had an alarming number of zeroes on it. Plus, in five weeks, they would be husband and wife, at which point, she would finally move into his spooky old mansion and ... Read more

Awesome Business Opportunity

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So, I decided to go to Yet Another Ground Floor Once-in-a-Lifetime Make Money Fast Pyramid Scheme. As I walked into the auditorium, I took note of several things. First, the greeters outnumbered the guests two to one, and they appeared to be swarming, hovering and buzzing around the hapless visitors. Second, a befuddled young man ... Read more

The Cracked Mirror

Rubens Als Cartoon: Venus Vor Dem Spiegel

Detective Ragbone shook a small amount of graphite onto the frame, while marveling at the unnaturally uniform craquelure of the forged Venus in the Mirror. Having momentarily forgotten the gravity of the current scene, he quipped, “Even Rubens knew better than to daub a perfect crack.” “Ragbone! Decorum, please.” Inspector Wiggins coughed into his hand. ... Read more

Monkeyshines

Blue Monkey Profile

The gods were angry. They had been told that they were as no more than a grain of sand in their sad little realm. This blasphemous eructation, spewed from the mouth of a leprous monkey, was overheard by Iris, the rainbow messenger handmaiden of Hera. It was she who used the power of gossip to ... Read more