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In the Immortal Words of Muriel Humphrey

Ancestral burial rites foreshadowed the vanguard of human recycling. From the elaborate funerary practices of ancient Egyptians, to the Terracotta Army of the first Emperor of China, humans have decreed that destinies were not subject to disposability.

Immortality appealed to humble and snobbish, alike. Fortunately, by 2217 A.D., transmigration had been elevated to the ranks of basic human rights. However, few people had the mental strength to survive the arduous preparation for The Change. The very old were too enfeebled, the very young were too ignorant and most of the rest of humanity were too self-absorbed to embrace the required overextension of mind, body and soul.

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt intended to change all that, with his Chewable Möbius Cohesiveness Strips ®. The soft green rubber-band easily took care of extending the body–it was nutritious and gave the jaw muscles a workout. It excelled at exalting the soul–the topography resonated with the astral plane. He just needed someone to write a catchy advertisement to capture the mind and never release it. He hired Phyllis Naomi Hurwitz, who came up with this ditty:

“This is the band that never ends.
Yes, it goes round and round again
Smart people started chewing it for the energy buzz
And they’ll never stop chewing it forever just because
This is the band that never ends.”

Yummy, chewy, yummy, chewy, nom, nom , nom, nom, nom, nom, yummy…

Copyright © 2018 by Mitchell Allen

Originally appeared on CreativeCopyChallenge #545.